DAY 1

     Just as the buzzer to my bedside clock was about to try and wake me up, I slammed the button to shut it off. I’ve been ahead of the snooze game for some time now; waking earlier than the alarm, getting dressed, and ready to meet each morning with an agenda.

     Summer has officially broken and though I have just ended my freshman year, I am going to school today. Mr. Rowland, a new teacher at the school, and an ex-fighter pilot from the Air Force, had started a summer school type of class for anyone wanting to learn a topic that he stated would change their lives dramatically.

     Though he wouldn’t tell anyone what the class was about, he made sure his message was loud and clear. There would be no extra credits toward school, but the extra credit would come one day when we looked back on our lives and realized where we would be if we hadn’t learned what he was about to teach. He also stated that we were at the right age and time in our lives to be able to understand the material he would present.

     So, here I am meeting Chris and Ronnie at the corner because, like me, it piqued their interest.

     I kind of knew they’d be interested as they are athletes who are always looking for life hacks to improve themselves.

     As we walked our usual path to school, I asked if they had any clue to what the class was going to be about.

     “I have no idea.” Ronnie said.

     “I’m sure it’ll be good whatever it is,” Chris chimed in. “My dad says that fighter pilots, and most pilots in general, have standards that are hard to beat.”

     “What does he mean by that?” I asked.

     “You know… standards… straight laced, doing things the right way… in every way.”

     “You mean like Top Gun, Maverick?” I asked.

     Chris smiled, “You ever notice Maverick is always dressed sharp, hair perfect and always fit? He’s a stud. He has what my dad calls, criteria.”

     “Do you think that’s what Mr. Rowland is going to teach us?” I looked at them both as if expecting a definitive answer from either.

     “We’ll find out when we get there.” Ronnie said. “All I know is my dad said we can’t quit. We signed the paper that we’d show up for the next 10 weekdays.

     I quietly thought of how I signed that paper without knowing exactly what I was signing my name to… what it would cost me. It took me back to Mrs. Brever’s class when I learned from the substitute teacher to never sign a paper I truly didn’t understand. At the time, I had taken a cue from Leonardo, and if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been one of the kids to have free lunch for the week of boys against girls in the classroom game we played.

     Upon arrival to the classroom where the next 10 weekdays would be “life changing,” I saw about 20 students waiting outside the door. To my right, in the distance, Mr. Rowland was approaching and I noticed something.. his walk. He wasn’t stiff, but like Chris and Ronnie’s dad, he walked proud… like he was sending a message that anyone could read loud and clear if they were paying attention.

     Standing in front of the group, Mr. Rowland greeted everyone with a smile as he unlocked the door and we entered.

     Making his way to the front of the class, he began his introduction…

     “For those of you who do not know me, but you signed up anyway, my name is Donald Rowland, but you can call me Mr. Rowland, and I will respectably call each of you mister or miss and add your last name. Now, it may take me a few days to remember each and every name, but I promise that I will know each of you by the end of the week.”

     Mr. Rowland took a tall chair like the ones they offer in science lab class and with a list in his hand, he began calling out names.

     As he struggled through a few of the Asian names, I couldn’t help but notice a big piece of paper taped to the chalkboard. There could only be one reason for the paper and that was to hide whatever was written beneath it. Thinking for a second… he must have come here earlier and wrote something on the board. Then, I looked at the paper and pencil in front of me. Turning the paper over, it was blank. Hmm?

     “Charlie Marks?” He called out.

     I waived my hand, “Here.”

     He nodded and went on to the next. When he finally reached Chris, he looked at the paper a little harder. Chris and Ronnie Chapman. Is your father in the military? Army?”

     Chris smiled, “Yep.”

     “I know your father well. Very solid human being. A great man.”

     I took a quick glance at Chris and almost thought I saw a weakness… like his eyes were welling up. He just looked down at the desk and nodded, then looked back up after reclaiming his posture in his seat. A quick thought… was Chris’ switch from a slumped position to sitting erect a silent message to himself that he better sit up or it will get back to dad. Hmm?

     When Mr. Rowland finished roll call, he went to stand next to the chalkboard.

     “I’m betting some of you are wondering what is behind the paper taped to the chalkboard here. Well, it will be your very first assignment. The paper and pencil before you are for you to write out your own personal answer to the question on the board.”

     Before I could hear it, I saw Mr. Rowland’s eyes dart to the back of the room to the door. Everyone turned in their seats when we heard a knock and saw Joey walk into class. He was the last person I expected to see in a class that wasn’t required, but here he is taking a seat right behind me. I smiled.

     “And you are?” Asked Mr. Rowland.

     “Joey G. Espinoza.”

     I don’t think I ever knew Joey’s last name after all we’d been through. Hmm… just like guys… as long as a guy can keep up with whatever other guys are dishing out, then last names never matter to us.

     “I don’t have any paperwork on you Mr. Espinoza.”

     “I just heard about this and wanted to learn more. I’m sorry to have interrupted the class.”

     Wow! Did I just hear Joey apologize to someone? No way! Not my Joey who could fight like no other.

     Mr. Rowland grabbed a paper and pen from his desk and handed it to Joey. I could see that it was the agreement we all signed to take the class. When Joey glanced at the paper and then signed, Mr. Rowland looked at him.

     “Do you know what you just signed.”

     “Yes.”

     Mr. Rowland hesitated and looked quietly at Joey for a moment… suspicious.

     “I promised not to miss a single class, to be here 15 minutes before class starts, to use names respectably and to be open minded and respectful of things I hear or learn of others.”

     From what I recalled, there were a few more agreements than what Joey uttered, but he nailed the basics. Mr. Rowland nodded and welcomed Joey into the class.

     “Okay, first step… definitions. Who can tell me what status is?”

     I looked around the room for any hands thrown up by eager students wanting to prove their knowledge. When no one raised a hand, I decided to take a stab at it. Raising my hand…

     “Mr…. Charlie Marks.”

     “Status is a measure of worth or personal value.”

     “Very good Mr. Marks. Let me add to that. Status can be defined as a perceived measure of worth or personal value within a given social context. A few important nuances regarding status… status is not inherent. It is not what you are, it is how value is assigned to you by a group, a culture, or even an off moment in time. The reason status is not inherent is because if a change of environment occurs, then the person’s status can rise, fall, or disappear in a heartbeat… entirely.”

     I raised my hand.

     “Yes Mr. marks.”

     “So, when you say perceived, you mean in the eyes or point of view of others?”

     “Yes.” Pausing a moment and looking over the class, “Status is also contextual. A high status individual in one setting can be a low status in another setting. I was an officer who flew jet fighters while in the military. I had rank over many men who were my subordinates. As quick and simple as walking into a briefing room, I may go from highest to the lowest ranking in a hierarchy of status. I might go into a briefing where a General or Colonel is sitting in… again, my status is instantly recognized as a subordinate. I’m respected, but my status is contextual. So, status measures relative value, not absolute worth.”

     Mr. Rowland had my complete attention, and as far as I could tell, everyone in the room was mesmerized by his knowledge.

     “Status is often a proxy… not the thing itself.   People will often use shortcuts to assess someone’s value or status. We might see someone as confident, competent, have authority, status by social proof… you know… how many likes someone gets to a post on a social platform. We might even see someone who has total self-control. We look at them and we assign or perceive… status. They have a value we assign them, though they might have it wherever they go. So, others too, can see these values in an individual.”

     Mr. Rowland took a moment for thought, then started again.

     “True story, there is a certain someone, I’ll call him Mr. X. I looked up to this man like he was a God. He could do nothing wrong. I assigned a status to him that I could only aspire to. Then, one day he threw someone under the bus. He didn’t want to accept personal responsibility for an action that everyone knew he initially created. This was the moment I learned to look at people for the moment, not for the ever after. Status comes… and status goes. Perceptions come, and perceptions go, they change. If you are going to create an identity that provides the status that you wish to live by, then be very careful and adept at creating that persona. How you carry yourself can give a person or a group a reason to trust you… your status, or to deny you any status at all. Only you can decide the identity you live by. Everyone else decides whether that identity earns status in their eyes.”

     “So, only create a status you are happy with and can live by or with?” I asked.

     “Yes. A person can have high status and a low internal value… for instance… a fragile ego, or the need to depend on validation by others. Or, they can have a low status, such as someone who might be considered a loner. But, that loner can have a high internal value… these are people with confidence, personal integrity and self-authority.”

     “What is self-authority? A kid asked.

     “Self-authority is when you have the capacity to govern your own thoughts, decisions and actions without outsourcing your judgement call to external approval or pressure from others. Self-authority is in your ability to observe, decide and take responsibility for outcomes.”

     Mr. Rowland paced the front of the classroom for a minute, somewhat lost in thought. When he stopped in the center of the room, he nodded slightly…

     Moving to the chalkboard, “Let me write this down… and you write it as well.

Status is the external measurement of perceived value. Worth is the internal reality of actual value. Confusing the two creates insecurity.

     Mr. Rowland turned from the board and looked around the room. His line of sight stopped on Joey.

     “Let’s say Mr. Espinoza here is a fighter. Everyone around here knows he is a fighter. That is his status. People see him as tough. Some are impressed, and some are afraid. Some might even want to test him. That, Mr. Espinoza, doesn’t tell me your internal worth.”

     Suddenly the room was quieter than quiet.

     “Your personal worth is not that you can fight. Your personal worth is whether you can control yourself when you could fight.”

     There came a pause and then Mr. Rowland continued, getting even closer to Joey.

     “Let’s say Mr. Espinoza walks into a room and everyone instantly thinks… ‘that’s the fighter guy.’ That is status. It exists outside of Mr. Espinoza and is only carried forward, or dependent upon a reputation and/or stories. But within him there’s something different. He knows how long he’s trained. He knows when he’s scared. He knows when he chooses not to use his strength. That is his personal worth. No one else gets to vote on that. It belongs to Joey and Joey alone.”

     Pausing a moment as he gently tapped Joey on the shoulder.

     “If Mr. Espinoza thinks he has to prove he’s tough every time someone looks at him sideways, then he’s confusing status with his worth. And that makes him insecure. Let me finish with this… Status is loud… very noisy. Worth is quiet. If you need people to see your value, then you personally don’t trust it yet.”

     Tapping Joey on the shoulder again… “The strongest people in this room won’t be the ones everyone is afraid of. The strongest ones will be the ones who don’t need to prove anything.”

     The room got eerily quiet and then a couple of snorts could be heard and the class began laughing… not loud, just a ripple across the room.

     Mr. Rowland looked around the room… “Did I miss the joke?

     The laughter died rather quickly and as I raised my hand and didn’t wait to be called on… “I don’t think you understand Mr. Rowland. Joey really is a fighter.”

     Mr. Rowland studied the room for a moment and we all got quiet.

     “I know. That’s why you all laughed… you have assigned him status.”

     Stepping back to the chalkboard and tapping the word Status with the chalk.

     “But what I’m talking about isn’t about what Joey can do. Emphasis on CAN. It’s whether Joey believes he has to… emphasis on HAS.     

     I shifted in my seat. I wasn’t sure I followed this last part by Mr. Rowland.

     “When someone says, ‘He really is a fighter,’ what they’re usually implying is that’s who we think he has to keep being… and that’s a trap. If Joey’s worth depends on fighting, then the moment he walks away from a fight, he begins to feel smaller.”

     Mr. Rowland turned and looked at me… “Do you think Joey would be less of a fighter if he didn’t fight tomorrow?”

     I was silent and looked at Joey, who was also silent.

     “Mr. Rowland nodded… “That silence… is where the lesson is.”

     Mr. Rowland stepped back to the blackboard again and ripped away the paper covering a sentence. I read it slowly and deliberately…

      “This is your assignment tonight and we will be discussing some of your answers tomorrow. Go home and think about how people see you, what you’re known for, and where pressure comes from.”

     After thinking about it for a moment, I wrote it down and would begin working on it when I get home. 

Status is real. Worth is not the same thing. Explain what that means using your own experience.

1. How do people see me?
2. What am I known for?
3. Where do I feel pressure?

     When Mr. Rowland dismissed the class, I looked at Chris and Ronnie.

     “Wow! Not anything I expected. What about you guys?”

     Chris smiled… “Definitely not anything I was expecting either.”

     “What about you Ronnie?”

     “I don’t know how people see me… their perceptions? How could I know that?”

     “By asking people who know you… like me.”

     “How do you see me, Charlie?”

     “Well first, let me talk about the ponytail through the baseball cap thing… which you know I really like on you.”

     “Stop it! See. You can’t even describe me for real.”

     “Okay… for real this time. You’re the fighter in that class back there. You train for races you don’t even know you’ll be in. I see you as an introvert, somewhat shy, until you get to know someone. I’ve wondered if you are as shy on the track at first until you get warmed up and can look at the competition. I see you as unafraid. Daring. Physically strong. I see you like Joey… a real athlete who is great at what you do. To me… that is a person’s character at their best. You’re not a showboat.”

     “What’s a showboat?”

     “It’s a term my mom used. It’s about bragging about yourself in some way.”

     “I don’t talk about myself.” Ronnie claimed.

     “I talk about you all the time… and not in a good way.” Chris joked.

     “Shut up Chris!” Ronnie pushed him aside as she smiled.

     “I’d say that people see you as an athlete and you’re known for training whether anyone is there to watch you or not. I guess you can be considered self-authoritative or self-determined. I guess you have to figure out where and when you feel pressure to be yourself, or what you think others perceive of you.”

     “How are you answering these Chris?” asked Ronnie.

     “I think everyone sees me as a football player and that’s all I’m known for… being an athlete. What people don’t see is the pressure of me having to dress late at night in a bat suit and take on the evil in this world.”

     “Joke… he’s a joke. Not the Joker… just a joke.” Ronnie smiled as she threw insults at Chris.

    As we continued our walk home I had to ask… “We know what status is, but what is our personal worth? When do we walk away knowing we had power but didn’t need to prove it?”

     “That wasn’t a part of the question.” Ronnie replied.

     “I know, but I always try for bonus points.” I smiled as I crossed the street to go toward my home. “See ya.”

     I waived goodbye and within minutes, I was home. I dropped the homework paper on the kitchen table, grabbed a glass of milk and some cookies and sat quietly dipping the cookie and thinking of a response to the question. 

Now it’s your turn. Join in the class with me… take time to think about the questions and answer your best. This is about you… no one else. – Charlie

Status is real. Worth is not the same thing. Explain what that means using your own experience.

1. How do people see me?
2. What am I known for?
3. Where do I feel pressure?